The Battle of the Sexes' Misunderstanding of Each Other's Apparatus
It chaps my ass that men are constantly painted as not understanding the female body.
You see the memes and the posts and the videos and the adult sex-ed classes stating that we can’t draw or sketch the intricacies of a woman’s flower (that’s my nice way of saying vagina apparatus and everything along with it.)
But what if we just can’t draw?
Have you ever thought of that?
And that it is such an unreasonable standard.
The vagina apparatus is complicated.
A penis is simple. It’s just a squiggly, tilting to the left, with a couple of circumferences dangling from the unopened end. Plus, penis paraphernalia have decorated bathroom walls since bathrooms were invented. It was probably put there by the very first person to build a bathroom, Sir William Bathroom.
The implication is always the same: not being able to draw the vagina apparatus is tied to many other societal issues, including not being able to please a woman.
The thing that so many people miss is that being able to draw and being able to find the G-spot are two different things.
I mean, not for me.
I can’t draw, and I can’t find the G-spot.
My wife still Sherpas me around it.
I’m here to tell you that despite the arrogance, women also don’t understand much about the male equipment. Sure, ours is simple, and the simplicity makes you believe there is nothing to it.
But ignorance runs both ways.
The other day, my wife and I were talking about how invasive TSA agents’ pat downs are.
“They pull you out of the line for TWB (traveling while brown. What? That’s just me), then they cup their two hands around your angle and then hump your leg all the way until it encounters resistance on your butt crack.”
Which is true.
“Then,” I continued telling my wife, “They move to the other leg, but before they do, they tell you, ‘Please, sir, move your junk to the other side.’”
“Then you have to reposition your rake inside the garden (That’s my way of saying penis in the underwear) in front of everyone at the airport.”
“NO!!!! Really?” My wife shouted.
“Really!” I assured her.
Which is not true.
Now, this is not a total lie.
If for some reason you set off the bomb detector (which I did once), they take you to a private room where they punch your nutsack to make sure you are not packing explosives.
You may be wondering, “Really?”
And I’m here to tell you, “Really!”
Like always, the best lies contain a kernel of truth.
Did you know boys have to be instructed on how to position their penis within their underwear?
I bet you didn’t.
Because my dad wasn’t around much, my mom had to take the unpleasant task of telling me that my diver needed to be facing head down because what the head does, the body follows.
Even George Washington wrote in his memoir about how you should position your rifle musket into battle.
So, next time, before judging men for not being able to draw a vagina, ask yourself, do I even know what it feels like to be asked to move your junk before getting a a hand up your butt and jumping on a plane?
