Essays

Telling a Bartender in Birmingham I Dropped My Daughter in the Water

My Daughter's Lunchbox is Full of Privilege

Traveling Without Kids—Every Other Parent's Dream but Not Mine

A Gun in the Bum, a Bomb on a Horse and a Colombian Prayer

Got Malady? Go Camping!

My Psychic Ruined My Bladder

We Have a Real Problem!

The Parental Search for Adventure in the Big-Box Jungle

The Lessons I Learned Living in Ireland

The Vasectomy Dialogues

In Colombia, It Takes a Village to Body-Shame a Kid

The Peter Principle and The Not Divine Parenting Comedy

Tata Lives in a Telenovela and Grampa Died

Unequivocally Racially Ambiguous

Big-Toe-Gate and the Use of AI in the World Cup

I Can’t Draw a Vagina

Dealing With the Police and My Mom's Lack of Patience

I Have Only Gotten a Massage Twice in My Life

You Can Call Me Juan

I Was Not Fired. I Was Rightsized.

Beheadings, Plums, and the Spring I Flirted With Madness

Looking At Other Men's Large Bananas

Spring Cleaning à la Nicholas Sparks

Losing My Daughters to a Lack of White Rice

Let’s Kidnap that Ginger Jerk Already!

I am protective of what my daughters get exposed to because I want to save them years of unnecessary night terrors, especially because they both have very active imaginations, just like I did when I was a kid.

All the Things You Think You Would’ve Done During a Jewelry Heist

At 13, I Almost Got Expelled from Catholic School

The Ocean and the Sun Are Not Out to Kill You

My Mom Could Convince You My Girly Rollerblades Were Unisex